Premiership end of season review 1998/9

Shock! Not.

Even if you’ve lived under a rock for the past 10 months, you would still place your mortgage on guessing that either Man U or Arsenal had scaled the heights of the Premiership last season. It’s a well trodden path but I’m going to hike down it one more time. Money has destroyed the game in England and the annual two-horse race is about as appealing as having your head beaten in with a meat cleaver. The only appeal for fans of other clubs now is to see if perhaps one of their players can end the career of a Manure or Arse player. Or maybe win a cup or something.

But now for the first time ever in a column of ‘The Way I See It…’, I comment exculsively on each clubs performance in this years Premiership, along with attempting to belittle the clubs I don’t like and elevate Spurs way above the rest of the trash around. It’s great being your own editor.

The Premiership 1998/99 season – club by club review

1st Man U
Season review: Three trophies out of four, lots of goals, plenty of excitement and lots of gloating and complaining. Not too much new about this season that we haven’t seen before. The league was won before the season started, the FA Cup was a non-event due to the fact Newcastle were in the final and the European Cup final was fixed. I reckon. When it really came down to it United found Mighty Spurs too hot to handle in the Worthington Cup.
Best thing: Teddy Sheringham winning the FA Cup and European Cup for United, just as most of the knowledgable fans questioned his inclusion in the team at all. Morons.
Worst thing: Their continuing success. They are mercenaries who are killing the modern game in England.
2nd Arsenal
Season review: Had a storming second half to the season where they hardly lost a game. It was a single defeat at Elland Road in the penultimate game that lost the league for them.
Best thing: Got knocked out of the Champions League early on mostly due to the greedy attitude of their board in having home games played at Wembley.
Worst thing: Weren’t relegated.
3rd Chelsea
Season review: In all honesty, a pretty lame attempt by Chelsea to catch up with the top two. Never looked good enough despite the ridiculous talent they possess.
Best thing: Won nothing. Even Spurs won more trophies than that.
Worst thing: Gave more fat 40 year old men a reason to tell us about how they started to support Chelsea in the early 70s and now they are back ‘where they belong’. Short memories.
4th Leeds United
Season review: Despite losing George Graham before Christmas, still had a stunning season with Dave O’Leary at the helm.
Best thing: Brought through some excellent young English players like Jonathan Woodgate.
Worst thing: Starting already to get too big for their boots. Hopefully a mid-table performance next season will get things back in perspective.
5th West Ham
Season review: How West Ham finished fifth, I’ll never know. They seemed to lost every second game 6-0.
Best thing: They bought another lunatic in Di Canio.
Worst thing: Pain in the arse club. Relegation is too good for them.
6th Aston Villa
Season review: Poor old Villa. Led the league till Christmas and then sank into mediocrity. To be truthful, they were probably there all season.
Best thing: Lots of English players – has to be admired.
Worst thing: John Gregory has gone from impressive manager to annoying twat in less than a season.
7th Liverpool
Season review: Extremely poor season in what was a poor league!
Best thing: Got rid of Evans. Did nothing for the club.
Worst thing: The inflated values they bander about for players like Redknapp and McManaman. Moderate players – pity they wouldn’t (or didn’t in Macca’s case) start to perform for them.
8th Derby
Season review: Once again, a good showing from Derby. Must start to challenge for the top 6 though – mid-table is becoming boring.
Best thing: A club without an ego. Much admired.
Worst thing: They are becoming a bit banal, almost like a part of the Premiership furniture.
9th Middlesbrough
Season review: Did very well to consolidate in the top half of the table. Amazing what you can do when you ditch the over-rated foreigners.
Best thing: Bryan Robson appears to have matured as a manager.
Worst thing: The pathetic images of Gazza these days.
10th Leicester City
Season review: Another strong season from Leicester but without some more quality players, they could start to sink in the next few seasons.
Best thing: Spurs beating their sorry asses in the last minute at Wembley.
Worst thing: The fact that they are so boring. They kind of need to be relegated I think.
11th Tottenham
Season review: The Fall and Rise of Tottenham – from Gross to Graham.
Best thing: Winning at Wembley – gotta love it.
Worst thing: The fact that Christian Gross was made a scapegoat for lazy-ass dicks like Ian Walker, Darren Anderton and Chris Armstrong.
12th Sheff Wed
Season review: Thank God for crap teams, else Wednesday would have been down this season. Danny Wilson needs to keep Benito Carbone.
Best thing: Carbone – absolutely glorious player.
Worst thing: Used to be a fine team in the early 90s – they are unlikely to recapture that again in the near future. Blame money. Again.
13th Newcastle
Season review: Gullit came in to steady the ship but the end result was not all that spectacular.
Best thing: The fact that it can be proven that there was nowhere near 36,000 crammed into St James Park when Newcastle struggled at the foot of the old Division Two.
Worst thing: Keegan is God blah blah…Dalglish is crap blah blah…what the f*ck has KK won in his lucrative career?
14th Everton
Season review: A diabolical season that saw unheard of players join for huge money; Olivier Dacourt, Marco Matterazi and that Bakayoko fellow. Only a deadline day loan signing stopped Everton dropping out of the top division.
Best thing: Gotta hand it to Kevin Campbell – those performances were inspired.
Worst thing: I can’t believe how completely rubbish Everton are. They never sign any good players. What the hell is going on?
15th Coventry
Season review: They left it late but Coventry survive in the top flight. Again. Huckerby and Whelan were inconsistent and losing Dublin didn’t help.
Best thing: Strachan. Great man, full of passion and honesty. Pity that Scottish twat Ferguson wouldn’t take a leaf out of his book.
Worst thing: Those kits are really bad. Ok, not as bad as the 70s and 80s away ones but still…
16th Wimbledon
Season review: Were flying up until around February or so but did not win a game after Joe Kinnear’s heart attack. Lucky the first half of the season went so well.
Best thing: Their ability to survive in the top flight with no support, no money and no friends.
Worst thing: The way that Joe Kinnear was treated. Oh and paying 7m for Hartson. Something tells me that JK had little interest in the purchase…
17th Southampton
Season review: Looked down and out all season but once again collected some important points late on to stay up by the skin of their teeth – even if it was 5 points!
Best thing: Dave Jones rose from immense criticism throughout the season to lead the team to safety. Fair play to him for sticking through it. Matt LeTissier’s occasional genius is also one of the greatest sights in football.
Worst thing: LeTiss is still a shadow of his former self. It’d be great to get a legendary season from him before he goes over the hill.
18th Charlton (relegated)
Season review: Showed a lot of heart and pulled off some fine shocks, but deep down were always going to fail to make it.
Best thing: Their spirit.
Worst thing: Lack of class. No substitute for it. And Clive Mendonca.
19th Blackburn (relegated)
Season review: Unbelievable season. They deserved it though. With the exception of Ward and Davies whom I think are decent players, they bought absolute rubbish. They did lose their backbone though (Hendry, Sherwood, Sutton).
Best thing: They realised that money can’t buy you safety (although it can sometimes buy you a championship, eh Jack?)
Worst thing: Jason McAteer, Kevin Davies, Nathan Blake, Ashley Ward, Lee Carsley, Christian Dailly. Twenty-eight million pounds. What a joke.
20th Nottingham Forest (relegated)
Season review: Always a class below everyone else in the Premiership. Serves them right – greedy bastards cashed in on their best players.
Best thing: Pierre Van Hooijdonk made his point very clearly – Forest board are a bunch of self-serving lying bastards.
Worst thing: Pierre Van Hooijdonk made his point very clearly – but let down the people who paid his crazy wages.

And as this column comes to an end, it is my pleasure to invite you all to the first ever TWISI Awards Ceremony. The next column of ‘The Way I See It…’ will see the unveiling of the best and worst of the 1998/99 football season. I hope you’ll all be there.

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