The Weekend Rumour Mill Analysis

Always a lot of fun observing who is being linked to somewhere they are currently not. This weekend is no different.

Blackburn are keen to extend David Bentley’s deal beyond 2010 amid reports linking him with Spanish giants Real Madrid, Sevilla and Valencia. (News of the World)

David Bentley has one half decent game for England against a piss-poor Swiss side and suddenly we are to believe that good Spanish sides (and Valencia) want the winger. I’ve seen Bentley a few times and he’s a bona-fide mid-table Premiership player, nothing more. Comical.

Frank Lampard could be allowed to leave Chelsea for £5m this summer under a new Fifa ruling, with Barcelona favourites to sign him. (Mail on Sunday)

This could happen but I’m sure Frank will settle for a pay rise knowing that he’d be found out in the Spanish league where his breakneck approach to football and deflected goals would not take him very far.

Newcastle are planning a £10m summer move for Middlesbrough midfielder Stewart Downing. (News of the World)

What is this obsession with Stewart Downing? Spurs have spent two years winking at him but when a manager with a clue (Ramos) came in and suggested that the left-sided winger was not really that good, the media have linked him to an even less impressive club. 10m?? Jesus Christ.

Manchester United’s Cristiano Ronaldo has revealed he may stay at Old Trafford for up to 10 years. (Express)

How nice of him. After many summers of tirelessly-recycled “Gerrard to Chelsea”, “Henry to Barcelona” and “Viera to Juventus” rumours in the media, we don’t expect this admission to impact the “Ronaldo to [insert team of choice]” diatribe in the coming months.

Chelsea and Spurs are battling to sign Valencia striker David Villa at the end of the season. (News of the World)

Yes, Spurs will absolutely lure him with the promise of a Carling Cup run next season.

Real Madrid are planning a sensational £4m swoop for Hibs striker Steven Fletcher. (Sunday Mail)

That would be sensational. What a way to unsettle a player no one has heard of outside of a cold, northern European country. What’s next? Danny Dichio to Sampadoria?

Wigan chief Steve Bruce has given the green light for Celtic to seal a £4m move for wantaway Jason Koumas. (News of the World)

Koumas is some man. Fell out with Bryan Robson at West Brom (I suppose that just makes him a good judge of character); then after being a success on loan at Cardiff he went on strike when a fee could not be agreed between the clubs and WBA demanded his return. He gave up his striking and when the club jettisoned Robson (if you need a reminder of how this process goes keep your eyes peeled on Sheffield this week) he flourished under new manager Tony Mowbray. He joined Wigan last July but seems to be hungry for some Champions League football and pedestrian games against Scottish cloggers.

Liverpool skipper Steven Gerrard says former boss Gerard Houllier made a big mistake by allowing Nicolas Anelka to leave Anfield.(News of the World)

Twenty games, four goals, £12m price tag for a player with a history of dysfunction. I’m not sure anyone was upset until Gerard blew 10m on Diouf.

Michael Owen says he has constantly had to prove his form and fitness since first sustaining a serious injury. (News of the World)

Wow.

Former Bournemouth manager Harry Redknapp, who lives in the affluent Sandbanks area of Dorset, has been asked to help his old club, who have gone into administration. (News of the World)

Perhaps ‘Arry can send Jamie down to do some keepy-uppies or something.

Middlesbrough’s new signing Afonso Alves insists he did not sign a pre-contract agreement with Dutch side AZ Alkmaar, which is being investigated by Fifa. (various)

Apparently his agent says that he does not read or write and didn’t know what he was signing?!

Spurs are tracking the progress of Udinese’s Slovenian goalkeeper Samir Handanovic. (News of the World)

They have injected a microchip in to his hand and it is being reported that he is currently in his living room watering plants.

Liverpool boss Rafael Benitez has blamed the club’s stuttering season on his rift with American owners George Gillett and Tom Hicks. (News of the World)

Benitez is an embarrassment. Long before his “rift” the club were underperforming. His excuses are as bad as his goatee.

Australia officials want Newcastle striker Mark Viduka to play for them again. (various)

He’s expanding at some rate these days.

Cristiano Ronaldo says he will hang his commemorative shirt to mark the 50th anniversary of the Munich air crash on his wall. (various)

Nice sentiment but so what?

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3 comments

  1. I heard that the Premiere League will be playing half their games in outer space next season.
    Surely that’s just silly

  2. Moonchester City beat Milkywaychester United! Unbelievable Jeff.
    And what about Astral Villa hammering.. oh.. um.. Newcastle.

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