Big-thighed, thick footballers. Self-serving thugs. Sitting in McDonalds at 4am after a tray of pints before heading out to the streets and beating someone senseless. Roasting young ladies. Spending £30k upgrading to the latest BMW X5 because the reduced diameter of the side-mirror gives you an extra 2km/h at high altitudes.
Yes, they are a bunch of loathsome tossers, no doubt.
But look at Neil McKenzie, look at him!
The 32-year-old midfielder has won five games in a row of the British TV brain-teasing institution, Countdown, and is now targeting becoming an 8-time champion (which would make him an octochampion).
Producer Kate Horton said: “He’s proving to be a strong contestant and has a broad vocabulary which is essential to do well.”
But even without a broad vocabulary what a great way this would be to settle a drawn cup match. Imagine wheeling the set out to the middle of Wembley (or Fir Park – wherever) and getting the two captains to slug it out over a Countdown Conundrum.
“Welcome the the Champions League Final Countdown Shoot-Out. You’ve finished level on goals so there is only one way to settle this. It’s time…for the Countdown Conundrum. Your thirty seconds starts now…”
Meanwhile, here’s the greatest moment in television history.