A penalty shoot-out alternative

I’d like a pee please, Carol

Big-thighed, thick footballers.  Self-serving thugs.  Sitting in McDonalds at 4am after a tray of pints before heading out to the streets and beating someone senseless.  Roasting young ladies.  Spending £30k upgrading to the latest BMW X5 because the reduced diameter of the side-mirror gives you an extra 2km/h at high altitudes.

Yes, they are a bunch of loathsome tossers, no doubt.

But look at Neil McKenzie, look at him!

Neil McKenzie on Countdown
Neil McKenzie on Countdown

The 32-year-old midfielder has won five games in a row of the British TV brain-teasing institution, Countdown, and is now targeting becoming an 8-time champion (which would make him an octochampion).

Producer Kate Horton said: “He’s proving to be a strong contestant and has a broad vocabulary which is essential to do well.

But even without a broad vocabulary what a great way this would be to settle a drawn cup match.  Imagine wheeling the set out to the middle of Wembley (or Fir Park – wherever) and getting the two captains to slug it out over a Countdown Conundrum.

“Welcome the the Champions League Final Countdown Shoot-Out.  You’ve finished level on goals so there is only one way to settle this.  It’s time…for the Countdown Conundrum.  Your thirty seconds starts now…”

Terry and Neville on Countdown
Will a lack of self-awareness mean they don’t know this word?

Meanwhile, here’s the greatest moment in television history.


One thought on “A penalty shoot-out alternative

  1. Had a good chuckle there only to be soured by
    Gyles Brandreth’s jumper!

    I was quite enjoying life up til that point.

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