Big-thighed, thick footballers. Self-serving thugs. Sitting in McDonalds at 4am after a tray of pints before heading out to the streets and beating someone senseless. Roasting young ladies. Spending £30k upgrading to the latest BMW X5 because the reduced diameter of the side-mirror gives you an extra 2km/h at high altitudes.
Yes, they are a bunch of loathsome tossers, no doubt.
But look at Neil McKenzie, look at him!
The 32-year-old midfielder has won five games in a row of the British TV brain-teasing institution, Countdown, and is now targeting becoming an 8-time champion (which would make him an octochampion).
Producer Kate Horton said: “He’s proving to be a strong contestant and has a broad vocabulary which is essential to do well.”
But even without a broad vocabulary what a great way this would be to settle a drawn cup match. Imagine wheeling the set out to the middle of Wembley (or Fir Park – wherever) and getting the two captains to slug it out over a Countdown Conundrum.
“Welcome the the Champions League Final Countdown Shoot-Out. You’ve finished level on goals so there is only one way to settle this. It’s time…for the Countdown Conundrum. Your thirty seconds starts now…”
- Will a lack of self-awareness mean they don’t know this word?
Meanwhile, here’s the greatest moment in television history.
luv|footy 
Had a good chuckle there only to be soured by
Gyles Brandreth’s jumper!
I was quite enjoying life up til that point.