BRYAN AND BRIAN
If you thought the 32nd edition of “The Standard Catalog of World Coins” at 2288 pages was a pretty thick book, it’s only because the media haven’t uncovered the huge photographic scrapbook Bryan Robson must own of football chairmen in compromising situations.

Despite relegating Middlesbrough, Bradford and West Brom in his illustrious management career so far, Sheffield United chairman Terry Robinson has faith that Robson will avoid bringing The Blades down to the third tier of the Football League for the first time since 1988.

“People know that we are looking for experience,” said Robinson who seems, like the chairman who continually appoint failed managers like Glenn Hoddle and Peter Reid, to think that it’s more important than ability.

But it’s not all about the number one because sometimes you’re only as good as your assistant.  Assisting him will be Brian Kidd who relegated Blackburn in 1999.

We’re off to paddypower.com.

NO CHANGE FROM A TENNER
I thought €12.30 for a Caesar salad and a cappuccino this weekend was pretty good value.  Then I saw that businessman Steve Morgan acquired Wolves for a mere tenner today.

“In Steve Morgan, Sir Jack (Hayward) feels he has finally found someone who not only has the best interests of the club at heart but also has the resources necessary to take over the responsibility for returning the club to its former greatness,” read a fawning club statement.

But as Axl Rose correctly asserted, you get nothin’ for nothin’, and Morgan has to invest 3,000,000 times the purchase price back in to the club as part of the deal.  That’s £30m.

But as failed, unemployed managers lined up at The Great Western bar near the Wolverhampton train station, the club insisted that Mick McCarthy’s job is not under threat after he surprisingly led Wolves to fifth place in his first season.

THE KITTEN VERSUS THE EGO
We’re only two days away from the 2005 Champions League replay and Steven Gerrard was no doubt out purchasing a tin of Whiskas for the occasion.

“People rate the Italian for some reason. For me, he is all mouth. He looks aggressive, but he is as scary as a kitten. I swear I wouldn’t mind playing against Gattuso every week. He doesn’t hurt you,” said the single most important player in the history of football.

“I have never seen Gattuso play a killer ball. He won’t nick a goal either. Gattuso just plays for the fans – theatrical and emotional,” Stevie G continued as he charged ineffectively up and down the right hand side of the press room.

But while Stevie whips out meaningless domestic cup medals and a flukey Champions League, Gattuso will see those and raise him a Scudetto and a World Cup final winning medal too.

We know who our money is on and it’s not the guy on his hands and knees with a shallow saucer of milk.

+++ TIGHT SHORTS +++
Every club in the Premiership wants Carlos Tevez but he wants to go somewhere sunny.  Cork City are keeping their eye on things.

In spite of not having a good game since 2001, Ipswich seem to think that Francis Jeffers is worth paying £350,000 for.

Manchester City want to pair up Liverpool pensioner Sami Hyppia with former Liverpool pensioner Didi Hamann.  Big Sam (Newcastle) and Little Sammie (Bolton) are also in the hunt rather predictably.

Claudio Ranieri could be the man giving the thumbs up to that deal as the Parma boss is wanted by the prospective new Manchester City owners for tactical tinkering and entertaining post-match interviews.

+++ TWAT OF THE DAY +++
“If it happens, everything I have done, all the rubbish I have gone through, it all becomes worthwhile,” said likeable Craig Bellamy on the prospect of playing in the Champions League final.  By “all the rubbish” he could be referring to the offensive text messages he sent to team mates, refusing to play out of position for Newcastle, attacking a team mate with a golf club or boasting about his wages while telling a Clyde player “you’ll be doing my garden in the summer”.