IT’S OWEN HARGREAVES, NOT JIMMY GREAVES
Manchester United’s highly perceptive fans are renowned the world over for their accurate football analysis.  They have spent much of the last few years rightly denouncing their over-the-hill Premiership-winning manager, writing the club’s eptiaph after the Glazer takeover and correctly predicted that United would win nothing with the likes of John O’Shea and Darren Fletcher shinning passes out of play.

And now – in between watching “How we won the Premiership” on MUTV – they are cheering the purchase of another great English player in Owen Hargreaves.  The £35 million midfield paring of Hargreaves and Carrick is sure to send shockwaves through the footballing world.

Bayern Munich chairman Franz Beckenbauer said: “Owen is leaving. That was the player’s wish and it’s a good deal financially”.

Considering that the player, who had a good game for England and scored a penalty against Portugal in the World Cup, was valued at £4m a few seasons ago, I’d say so.

THE BEST OF THE PREMIERSHIP ME ARSE
But who knows when the deal will be completed seeing as how the administration department at Manchester United are probably still passed out from the FA Cup final-induced coma.

Taking time out from spreading rabies across London in a second sequel to “28 Days Later”, Jose Mourinho talked up the long-forgotten FA Cup.  “I won’t be throwing this one away, it means a lot, it’s the FA Cup and it’s the first one for me,” he claimed as Alex Ferguson mouthed “champ-i-ons” off-camera.  Goal-scorer Didier Drogba was a little more realistic.

“This doesn’t make up for the League and Champions League – and we want our title back,” he complained before realising he was late for his choreography class with Paula Abdul.

But if both managers were a little embarrassed by the proceedings, they were probably not in the same league as John Motson.  On viewing three former footballers in the crowd he said “Ian Wright and Gary Mabbutt enjoying the new Wembley”.  “Isn’t that Mitchell Thomas too?” inquired Mark “Lawro” Lawrensen quite reasonably.

Silence.  Not even a “yes, I think it is”.  Well I suppose Thomas never had an identifiable characteristic like Wright (stupid hats) and Mabbutt (diabetes).

MAGNET ATTRACTS ATTENTION

We were confused for a long time after hearing how new West Ham owner was a biscuit magnet until we understood the context correctly.  However we are probably not as confused as Eggert Magnusson who remains confident that his one-man team will stay at Upton Park next season.

“I am at least optimistic that he will stay,” said former model Magnusson just after the modest Carlos Tevez said “I want to join one of Europe’s big clubs, that’s what I’ve talked to my agents about.  I don’t know about interest from Real Madrid but it makes me happy such an important club is interested in me.”

West Ham fans, already nervous that the usually spineless FIFA are set to investigate their purchase of the chubby icon, are more likely to be dejected than bitter about Tevez’s likely defection.  But any future deal will certainly be watched eagerly by relegated Sheffield United.

The Premier League is to set up an arbitration panel to look at the original decision not to dock West Ham points for their dodgy signing of Tevez.  “We will not rest until Sheffield United’s position is protected from this unjust decision,” said Kevin McCabe, apparently the chairman of Sheffield United.

But if Tevez leaves, the destination of the transfer fee will be as eagerly observed as his destination.  Then it could get interesting.

+++ TIGHT SHORTS +++
Martin Jol continues his project to sign every British player in the country with Leighton Baines, Darren Bent and Nigel Reo-Coker on his never-ending shopping list.

Mark Viduka could be struggling to avoid relegation with Birmingham next season.

The affable Joey Barton could be the latest big fish in a small pond when he signs for Celtic this summer.

Rafa Benitez fancies Carlos Tevez.  But we understand – he’s a good looking lad.

Manchester City could be finishing 14th with new owners next season as takeover talks continue.

+++ TWAT OF THE DAY +++

“It was clearly over the line – that’s what I was asking for. I could see it was over the line and the referee didn’t give a free-kick so it was a goal.” said Ryan Giggs who wants the laws of the game re-written to enable strikers to push goalkeepers over the line even when they are in control of the ball.